How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
