There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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