I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
