mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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