I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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