Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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