if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.