I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning