There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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