u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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