So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
