You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
