So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
