The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
