When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
