Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
