I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
