This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
God, I missed his penis.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
