Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
