Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
