We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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