Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
