Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
