Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
