He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
