Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
