I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
