We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need to align my fucking chakras
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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