Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
