He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
