dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
