I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
