You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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