He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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