Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
