You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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