you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
