dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
