just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
