idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
