why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
