Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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