I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
