My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
