I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
