dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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