don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
3 2 1 whiskey
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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