Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
