i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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