I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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