the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
