i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
