dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
