A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
