He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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