i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you had me at cake vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
