We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
