All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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