is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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