u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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