Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
