:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
