So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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