new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
