she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
