there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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