shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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