You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm always down for nudity.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
