Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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