So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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