We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
