there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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