I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
