piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh god it's open bar.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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